Germany/Austria/Switzerland Sept/Oct 2016 (winner of the most original blog post). 

So by now I’m sure you’ve heard that our tour van was broken into while we were parked in Dresden, Germany. Amongst many other things,  my laptop was taken and thus I am doing this on my phone. Writing anything more than a few words on a phone is extremely frustrating and and this will be short. 

I’m actually doing this because I don’t really have anything else to do at the moment. I have some books in my Kindle app I could read but I don’t really enjoying reading on a small phone screen in a moving van. I also have a bunch of podcasts to get thru but I keep falling asleep. Not that they’re boring, I think it’s just the motion of the van again. 

I even looked forward to taking a driving stint just to have something to do!

You don’t realise the convenience of a laptop and iPad until you don’t have them anymore. I didn’t even bring any physical books on tour this time, think I’ll need to find a book store somewhere along the way because there’s still like two weeks left of tour! 

I had grand plans of making a serious dent in the Malazan Book of the Fallen series on this tour, as well as getting lots of things work done on the Parlotones book I am still writing. Alas, all the Word documents are now gone, along with all the progress I’ve made in the last month or so. Lesson learnt, make backups into some sort of cloud storage! 
Anyway, I’ve already had enough of all this typing on my phone, so expect some missing words and bad grammar. 

Regarding the tour, we are currently in Austria for our show tonight at a venue called Chelsea. We’ve played here once or twice before. 

We’ve already played a warm-up show in Berlin in the lobby of the nhow hotel, a really cool place that has a music studio on the top floor and lets you order a guitar and amp to jam on as part of their room service! 

Then we played our show in Dresden at Scheune. Despite our glum dispositions after the robbery we had a great show. That’s one of the great things about what we do; no matter how down or tired you’re feeling, when you hit the stage a new energy and attitude takes over. For those 90 minutes or whatever, all the worries of the world disappear. I like to hope it’s the same thing for the people watching the show. 

Alright, I think that’s enough for now. Here’s a photo of Glen and I:

Cheers! Paul. 

Hello New York!

I had to share this story from the book I am (still) working on. It’s the tale of the first time we stepped onto the streets of New York. It’s still a little rough, but it’s a great memory….

StreetScenesNewYork (1 of 1)

From Canadian Music Week we headed off to New York, our first ever step into America. We were fairly experienced travellers by 2009, but somehow the idea of America was really exciting, and a little daunting. When we started touring the UK we had started at small clubs and had slowly worked our way up, but in America we were basically jumping right into the deep end by going straight to possibly the largest music conference in the world: SXSW.
We caught a train from Toronto to New York. It was a lot cheaper than flying, and was also a bit of an adventure. We’re always up to trying new things, especially when it saves us some bucks! The first half of the journey was fairly uneventful, we just rode the train for hours and hours until we got to the border. We figured it would just be a quick stop, but it took ages! We always get extra attention at customs, I’m not sure if it’s because we’re South Africa or because we’re a dirty dishevelled rock band. Probably both.
The guys at the border were really thorough, even going so far as to go onto MySpace and look up The Parlotones. Some of the guys behind the desk even let their stern demeanour drop for a minute to compliment the music. We offered them some free CDs but they weren’t allowed to accept gifts in case it looked like a bribe. All our paperwork was in order and we were allowed to return to the train. You always feel like such a criminal at customs. Even though you’re 100% sure all your paperwork is in order, your passport is good, your visa is correct and you’ve got all the details they need, you still feel like something is going to go wrong.
We returned to the train and were informed by the conductor that we were sitting in the wrong seats and had to move. We were a little disappointed because we had set up our little space quite comfortably. Everyone’s devices were plugged in and charging, but we couldn’t argue with the guy and so we reluctantly packed up all our stuff and followed him through the train. As it turned out we had actually booked business-class seats, and had been sitting in economy this whole time! The seats were larger and more comfortable and there was a really friendly bartender guy working there. We looked at the bar prices and they were a little steep for us, horribly expensive in fact. However, after only an hour or so, our friendly bartender announced it was Happy Hour; buy one beer get one free. Even at this reduced price, they were still rather expensive. I remember one of us saying “who is ever going to fall for that?” Of course the boredom and the temptation of “just one” beer soon took over and we ordered a round of beers. And then another, and another. The bartender must have been having a beer every time we did because soon we were all quite loud and jovial. I can’t remember if Kahn played a song on his acoustic or if they played the CD on the train but there was quite an interest in the band, and we ended up giving out quite a few signed CDs to the passengers and our friendly bartender. We eventually stopping drinking his overpriced beer and fell asleep. When we woke up the train was completely deserted. It was quite freaky, there was literally no one else on the train, it was dark and quiet. We quickly gathered our stuff, walked back to the economy seats to retrieve our luggage and guitars and walked outside to the train station. We went up the stairs and stepped in New York.
There are certain moments and situations that stick with a band forever. And usually they’re completely random. Our first few minutes in NY was one of these moments.
Right outside the train station we were approached by an African American who had spotted our guitars. He walked up and in a loud New York accent asked: “Who is the best bass player in the world?”
Glen immediately answered “Gene Simmons.” How he came up with that I don’t know, but the guy on the street had a different opinion.
“Bullshit!” he exclaimed, “It’s Stanley Clarke.”
And with that he unfolded a push scooter he had under his arm, got on it, and scooted off.
We looked at each other with a mixture of confusion and delight, what a strange but utterly unforgettable moment. And to this day one of us will still randomly ask who the best bass player in the world is.

Germany and UK tour, 2015

So… anyone still here? As usual I’ve been neglecting this poor little blog site. Lately I’ve switched hats and been filming stuff with our Nikon camera and Neil’s GoPro camera, and then I’ve had to learn how to edit the footage into something people might actually want to watch. I film lots of stuff, but often the focus is out, or the sound is terrible, or it’s just boring. However, I’ve found it’s better to just try film as much as possible and then sift out the few gems from all the rubbish. I try film things people don’t often see. Us talking rubbish in the van, sitting around backstage staring at our phones, the silly jokes on stage and whatever other random moment occurs. I’m still learning and I try not spend too long painstakingly editing the videos to perfection, I’d rather just get content out there. I’m sure it’ll slowly get better, and hopefully you’ll find it somewhat amusing or interesting. If you’ve watched any of the videos and have any advice or feedback, I’d love to hear it! Check out our YouTube channel here: The Parlotones YouTube Channel

Tour life is great, but I reckon people think it’s way more glamorous and exciting than it actually is. There is a lot of sitting around involved. Hours in the van, hours of waiting around, wearing the same dirty clothes for days and days. It seems no one in England has tumble dryers, they just hang their clothes on heaters, crazy! So there’s no time in-between shows to wash our clothes and have them dry in time before we leave. That’s rock ‘n roll for you though, we don’t mind, and luckily it’s pretty chilly this side of the world so our stuff’s not too sweaty. Except for socks, those are gross. Either way, we wouldn’t change our job for anything.

So anyway, this is just a quick note to say we’ve been having a blast touring Germany and the UK again. I’ve really missed Germany, and personally can’t wait to be back.

Here’s a photo of our setlist for Manchester, sorry it’s the only photo I could find on my PC that was somewhat relevant. Those scribbles are our roadie’s notes about which guitar he needs to bring on stage for specific songs.




Recording Episoda


So I am still writing and rewriting the as-yet-untitled Parlotones book. Whenever I go back to the stuff I wrote a year ago it seems so amateur, and I have to try fix it. Quite frustrating. Anyways, to inject a little content into my poor starving blog, here is a small bit of a rough draft of an early chapter talking about the recording of our first album, Episoda.

If you haven’t heard that album before, you can hear it on our website: The Parlotones website

And here’s a photo of the band way back then, red eye and all…


John Boyd was now in the band, and we rehearsed all the way out in Edenvale where he was staying. After Neil moved out of his parent’s house we had a few practises in his townhouse. That wasn’t the greatest practice room in the world. Firstly we had to carry our gear up three flights of stairs (good training for the tours to come!), and then cram evereything inside a tiny townhouse. Amps were turned down low and the drums were covered with blankets to muffle the noise. It was kinda frustrating, so it was nice to be able to set up in John’s larger room and make a bit of a noise again. It made the long drives every Saturday morning worth it. Almost every morning without fail we would all arrive for practice and John would either be asleep, or in the bath. John was a real prankster and often got up all kinds of mischief during band practice, and once we got to touring with him, he was a real terror. Once, during band practice, John smeared Kahn’s microphone with fish paste and tabasco sauce. Kahn retaliated by tossing peanuts into the fan and spraying tiny bits of peanuts all over John’s room. It became a nonstop back and forth between John and various other band members through the years, much good-natured pranking. We were writing a lot of songs at this time. One of the most promising was a ballad called “long way home” but we also getting very creative with crazy songs like “loud and clear” and “where do we go from here.” John’s Roland 303 was adding a very interesting layer to the songs, filling out the sound and adding some creative elements. John liked a lot of the same bands we did, but because he was a few years older than us he also introduced us to bands like Echo and the Bunnymen, and The House of Love.

We had been playing live quite often by this point and had built up a small fan base. Jaxon Rice was the singer of a band called Diesel Whores, we had played a few shows with them and he was interested in getting us recorded. He was willing to put in the money and was in touch with Theo Crous of the Springbok Nude Girls who would be doing the actual recording and producing. Unfortunately those plans fell through.

A band called 57 was doing fairly well on radio with a song called “projection man” until they were suddenly dropped from their record label. We weren’t sure exactly what had happened, but John got in touch with the singer. His name was Andrew Lester and he had just built a studio at his home. 57 had recorded their EP and their full-length album themselves, and we thought it sounded great. We had a meeting with him and agreed to record a full-length album for us for R12000. Quite a good deal, looking at what we spend on recording albums these days!

Our label couldn’t pay for the recording, so we put the money together on our own and couldn’t wait to get into studio. We were excited about the songs we had written and were full of creativity.

Sometime in 2003 we went into studio with Andrew Lester. He was very open to the band’s ideas and let us do almost anything we wanted. He was there as a producer and recording engineer, but the band were also producing the album. A producer is basically the person who guides the band in studio; overseeing the studio sessions, discussing and helping to choose which songs should be recorded, managing the entire recording process. So Andrew Lester as the producer was there to help us shape the songs into their best form, picking which ones should go onto the album and helping us to refine and perfect the various musical parts. We were also producing though, so we could also put in our own ideas and suggest any changes he had made. A producer basically becomes an extra member of the band for the recording process, working on the arrangement and recording of the songs, as well as the final steps of mixing and mastering the album.

We had a great time in Andrew’s studio and I think you can hear it if you listen to the album. It was quite a rough recording and definitely doesn’t sound as polished as the later albums we recorded. We experimented with a lot of things that were new concepts to us. Like running John’s keyboard through fuzz pedals, distorting the bass guitar and sliding the neck against a microphone stand (listen to the opening of “where do we go from here” to hear this effect), and leaving in mistakes and studio chatter. All the guitar parts were recorded through a Line 6 amp and using mostly our own pedals for effects. I had quite a decent selection of pedals by then. I was using the Line 6 Distortion Modeller (which had cost me a whopping R2500 back then, I got a credit card just to pay for it), a Boss Digital Delay (DD 3 I think it was) and also the purple Boss Analogue Delay (DM 2), and a Carl Martin Trem-o-Vibe. I had bought the tremolo purely because someone told me that’s how Radiohead got some of their weird sounds. It quickly became my favourite effect, I tried to use it in every song. You’ll hear it all over Episoda and Radio Controlled Robot. Kahn had traded in his few Boss pedals for a Line 6 Pod, the original bean-shaped one. He also got the floor board which you needed to control it live. It was a fairly complicated system to try get working properly and we struggled with it for ages before figuring out how to use it effectively. It seems so rudimentary now, compared to complicated systems available to guitarists these days. We got some mad sounds out of it, listen to the guitar solo and the ending from “inside” to hear an example.

I can’t remember how long it took us to record, but I’d guess about a month. We worked fairly fast but to be honest I really can’t remember anything much from the actual recording sessions. We did have loads of fun with my delay pedal in songs like “loud and clear” where it’s just this crazy noise. We didn’t really have much to prove or live up to at this point, and I think that’s why we were so creative and had an “anything goes” approach to the recording. There was no real pressure from anyone to write “hits” or to conform to any specific sound. We had always been the outsiders up to this point, not really fitting into any of the scenes or sounds of the day.

Our fans, the few that we had back then, liked everything we were doing and we were certain there was going to be an interest in the album. We were playing with lots of interesting bands then; from the all-girl punk band The Phoebes to the alt-country sounds of the Diesel Whores.

When the album came out the fans loved it, and we got a lot of praise from our fellow bands and of course our friends and families. Unfortunately not many radio stations were interested. TUKS FM, which is a student radio station in Pretoria, was quite supportive of the band. I can’t say for certain, but I’m pretty sure they played some songs off Episoda and we did a few interviews with them.

Our manager took the album to the program manager of 5FM, and tried to convince him to support the album. Unfortunately the album had little commercial potential, and mainstream radio wasn’t interested in it at all. Despite our best efforts, we couldn’t get anything off Episoda playlisted. Going back and listening to it today I see about half the album is definitely too weird for mainstream radio, and maybe it lacks a quality recording, but there’s some great songs on there that could have been hits.

Antiques & Artefacts tour, wrap up.

So I am writing this in Word, apparently you can upload the blog straight from here, which is pretty cool. If I can figure it out anyway.

So without waffling on about all the rest of the shows, I can just sum it all up: the #antefacts tour was awesome! We really haven’t had such a great tour in ages. Nothing went wrong; no broken-down vehicles, nothing stolen, no trailer wheels flying off, no dodgy backpackers. The whole vibe was just fantastic, everyone on the tour was having a great time and the positive energy really carried through in performances and interviews and whatever else we did.

Thanks to all the hotels, venues, and most of all, the fans! You guys have given us the best job in the world, and we would be nothing without you. And of course to Mentos, coolest sponsor! 🙂

I’ll tell one story, and then just post a couple of photos!

So the final show of the tour was in Swaziland. Neil had recently downloaded an offline SatNav app for his phone so he could navigate around Europe without needing a Garmin, or use Google Maps and pay a fortune in data roaming coasts. Each country had been about a 600Mb download, and we decided to test out the app while in Swaziland. Swaziland has different network providers to South Africa, obviously it’s a completely different country. So Neil downloaded the map, 1Mb! The app got us to the venue without any issues. We had a great show and had to leave Swaziland by 5pm, we hoped to be back in Jo’burg by 8pm. We left the venue, following Neil’s phone which was navigating us to the border. The phone had some trouble and kept re-routing us, and we literally drove past a huge sign on the highway reading “Border” four times, but instead of following our (mostly) fully-functioning human brains, we decided to follow the phone. It took us off the highway, along narrow roads full of potholes, all the time it was steadily getting darker and the fuel gauge was creeping down past a quarter-tank. Eventually we started driving up a mountain, with a narrow twisting road that occasionally turned into a rough dirt road. This couldn’t be right, we decided, and did a very complicated 67-point turn in the dark on a dirt road, and drove all the way back down. At the bottom of the hill we found some security guards who told us we had been going the right way, all the way over the mountain was the border. 20 minutes away, they told, the gate closes at 8pm. It was about 6pm or so, so we figured we would make it with lots of time to spare. Back up the mountain, along the winding road, and eventually we arrived at the border. All the lights were off, and the gate was chained closed. Border closes at 6pm, oh hell! The tour had been going so smoothly until now. Someone suggested sleeping in the van until the border opened in the morning. Then our roadie Bigfoot thought he spotted a Doberman watchdog prowling around (which turned out to be a goat) and we noticed the spooky building across the road was called “Emergency Butcher”, this place was too creepy. Our van told us we still had 150km worth of petrol, and Swaziland is only about 200km across, so we had a good chance of making it back to the big sign on the highway we had seen two hours ago.

And so we drove all the way back, lo and behold, the border was about 20km from the venue. We eventually got there around 10pm, and I finally got home at 3am! Crazy. Lesson learned, don’t blindly trust technology, use that brain!

There’s so many good memories of this tour. I am starting to edit together the footage I filmed, it’s blurry and noisy and shaky, but it should be entertaining. It’s mostly us talking kak in the van, talking kak backstage, talking kak in soundcheck, and lots of footage of driving. Hopefully it’ll be ready soon, in the meantime, here’s some random photos.

Cheers! Paul.

Antiques & Artefacts tour, days 2 to 8

Antiques & Artefacts tour, day 2 to 8.

(Written on 10 May.)

OK, since the last blog post we have played 7 more shows, and will be playing another one tonight. The tour is going great, each show just gets better.

After the Barnyard Cresta we played the Barnyard Theatres in Pretoria, Emperor’s Palace, and Rivonia. We got more comfortable with playing the new songs live and played with more confidence. My favourite new song is still “Dixy Dizzy”, love it, and “Just Having Fun” is becoming quite the crowd sing-a-long. I have also worked out some cool chord shapes for Glen’s song “Following You”, and will be playing that live as soon I can remember them all. Good song Glen!

Then we had a week off because Kahn went away for his birthday. It felt a little weird to stop a tour just as the momentum had began, but it was actually cool to get a bit of break. After watching the Radiohead documentary “Meeting People is Easy” I felt inspired to make a short ‘behind the scenes’ kinda vibe. Not a proper documentary with the band talking and stuff, but rather just all the random things that happen backstage or in the van, capture some of the funny moments that happen all the time. So I have been filming with our trusty Nikon D7000 and have quite a nice collection of footage already. I didn’t realise how big these files are though, after only a few shows I already have over 20Gb of clips. I’ve had to delete most of my iTunes folder on my laptop to make space. Guess I should have bought an external drive hey…?

I messed around a little bit trying to edit the footage but didn’t make any real progress. I will rather film all the stuff and get a buddy to edit it together so that it looks cool.

Then we headed out of Jo’burg and down towards the ocean. Our first two shows were at the Barns in Mossel Bay and Plettenberg Bay. I’m sure I’ve talked about these venues before, but we’ve had some of our best shows ever in those two places. It’s a lot more ‘basic’ than the Barnyard Theatres, they are literally old farmyard barns, but the sound is great and we had two brilliant shows. On the first night good old load-shedding was scheduled for almost the exact duration of our show. Maybe someone at Eskom isn’t a fan, haha. A generator was available, but was initially only going to be powerful enough to power the lights inside the venue, and so we were potentially going to only be able to play a completely unplugged show: literally only acoustic guitars and voices. That could have been pretty cool, but luckily the generator got upgraded and the show went on as planned. And a speaker blew during soundcheck and we had to make a plan there as well. Luckily we have Josh, our uber-roadie, who is very clever at fixing all kinds of problems. He also did most of the sound at both nights at the Barns, as well as juggling our various guitars on stage and making sure we all have waters and drinks available during the show, definitely a multi-talented young lad!

From there we drove to Cape Town for a few shows. The first one was for the Cape Town Club, and the second (tonight’s show) will be at Barnyard Theatre. At the Cape Town Club we also got involved in some whisky tasting thanks to guys and girls from Black Bottle, which was awesome. Apparently you are not supposed to swirl whisky around in the glass like you do with wine, unless you drink it with water or are making an “old fashioned”, then your swirl the hell out of it. Not only did we get to drink a lot of Black Bottle at the show, but we also got a bottle to take home, much appreciated!

We also attended the first viewing of our new movie. It’s called “This Is Our Story” and was created over the last two years or so, and it covers everything we’ve been doing since 1998 and right up until last year. It’s crazy to think how much we’ve done, and it was a real labour of love, thanks so much to Michelle Pretorious for all her hard work and dedication. The film is awesome and hopefully will be on DVD soon, or streaming from our YouTube account.

Last night was possibly my favourite show of the tour so far. We played at Buffelsfontein Game and Nature Reserve in Yzerfontein, which is on the Western Coast, about 90km from Cape Town. What a great crowd, we look forward to coming back this year again. While there we also made some progress on the new wines we intend on bringing out soon. We are working with new partners and have a slightly different vision to the previous wines we released, but one thing will stay the same: they will be delicious! Details coming soon.

During the show people had to fill in cards to rate which wine they enjoyed the most, and we would do a lucky draw and that person would win a t-shirt. While Kahn was holding the box and doing the lucky draw, I announced “There is a ‘groot doos’ on stage… and he is holding a big box full of cards!” That got quite a few laughs. (For those who don’t understand Afrikaans, doos is Afrikaans for box, but we also use it as an insult, kind of like douche bag. And groot means big. I’m sure you know at least one ‘groot doos’…)

Our backstage room was quite far from the actual venue, and we ate food and hung out there before show time. When our driver arrived he said that  things might run a little late because there were rhinos blocking the road back to the venue! That’s definitely a first for us, we’ve never been delayed by rhinos before… I got my camera ready to film them, but by the time we got there they had unfortunately already wandered off. This crazy rock n roll life hey?

Monday is a media day, so there is no gig, but we will be doing interviews for TV and radio all day, as well as a few unplugged songs. I intend to get to bed early and do some reading. Let’s see how that goes….

Cheers all, thanks for reading!

Yours sincerely, not a doos. 🙂

Antiques & Artefacts tour, day 1.

This is gonna be a quick one, so please excuse any missing words or spelling mistakes. As some of you may know, we started the “Antiques & Artefacts” tour last night. The tour is going to be mostly at Barnyard Theatres across South Africa, and the CD will initially only be available at shows on the tour, and then go to retail after that. You can, of course, also go get it on iTunes if you’re impatient or live outside of South Africa.

This is the first album we’ve put together on our own without the help of a label or management, so it’s been quite educational. We have licensed the album to a label for distribution, but it’s a label we chose and has a limited duration, they don’t own our music.

This tour was also planned and organised by the band and a few of our friends who are helping us out professionally, and it’s also been quite stressful, but also fun because we’re doing things our way and making the decisions we feel comfortable with as a band.

With regards to the actual songs and the music, we don’t play the entire new album live, but we’ve put about 8 of the new songs into our 20-song set, which I think is a good mix. As much as people like to hear new songs, they also want to still hear the old hits. We’ve experienced this from an audience perspective; when you watch 3rd Eye Blind you don’t want an hour of new songs, you want to hear “semi-charmed kind of life” and “how’s it going to be”.

We spent quite a lot of time having to learn to play the songs off this album. It’s always weird to realise you’ve forgotten how to play your own songs. The problem is by the time it comes to playing the new songs it’s been weeks or even months since you finished recording them, and then there were endless changes and edits, and so you literally have to learn how to play them all over again. I have a great iPad app called Capo and it’s totally worth the $5. It allows you to slow down any song in your library, as well as EQ out vocals, isolate bass, lots of handy tricks. It even roughly works out the chords, which is a huge help in jump-starting the old memory banks. It speeds up the whole process and is an invaluable tool for figuring out songs.

At the moment, my favourite new song to play live is “Whistle Dixie Dizzy”, but “Skeletons” is also fun and deceptively tricky to get the groove just right.

I joked about it on stage last night, but you spend so much time working on the new songs you actually sometimes forget how to play the old songs! I was struggling all the way through “shake it up” last night, literally remembering sections a millisecond before I had to play them, I managed to get through it without any obvious mistakes though. Not so much for “remember when”… Firstly I forgot to switch off the delay from the previous song, so there were these long delays out of time with the song, and then I do these harmonic bends in the middle section and I forgot that with new strings they go out of tune very quickly in that part, and so I have to switch to chords in a different position because my G and B strings are usually horribly out of tune, and I hit a total blank last night, hitting every chord except the correct ones!

I also hurt my back recently, so if it looked like I was walking strangely or had the occasional wince, that’s why.

Anyways, overall we were happy, it was a great show. The stage looked brilliant with all our new props made for us by another friend. The album is selling well, and there is even a limited-edition box version of the album. Yes, an actual wooden hand-painted box. Another bonus of planning your own tour and making your own merchandise, there’s nobody in charge to try and convince. You just do what you wanna do!

Hope to see you all somewhere soon, I hope you’re happy.



Some photos from the recent UK, Scotland, Ireland tour.


Dinner in the Virgin Clubhouse


A building somewhere in Scotland.


Beer + Tequila, bad news in a single bottle….


A football stadium in Manchester.


The wind-swept man on the streets of Manchester.


The Eye of Sauron… I mean, Manchester.


Cards Against Humanity, a crazy card game….


This dog kept stealing our socks!


Rubber rings from beer bottles instead of strap-locks, works great!


Our poster up in a venue. The band to next to us, Russian Circles, are also pretty rad.


Late night doner kebab, it’s a tradition!


A cappuccino costs about R40…!